My Day in Court

I found myself at Bandra Court one hot Wednesday afternoon, feeling somewhat anxious. The Cheese Junglee Sandwich from Candies. Definitely a bit funky.

I sat at a wooden bench on the first floor awaiting my shifty-eyed lawyer Joshi. To my right, seated at a table below a slowly rotating ceiling fan, was a Mr Dalal, stamp vendor and petition writer. True to his surroundings he was agonisingly slow, but with exactitude – he thumbed pages fluently, examined typewritten lines with a judicious finger and carefully counted and recounted currency notes. The air was dense with wafting smells – foodstuff, sickly sweet tea, sweat and urine. The courtroom doors were now being opened for the post lunch session. Peons and clerks were rushing out as attorneys and clients were rushing in. Handling their crotches.

A case listing was posted outside our courtroom. Apart from my case read with Section 138 of the Negotiable Instruments Act, 1881, I spotted a Section 420 case, which all good Indians will be quick to recognize.

It is the number of The Cad, The Rake, with a heart of gold, the proud, prodigal son overfed with gag-inducing amounts of mother’s milk and desi ghee. His duplicity is but camouflage for the trueness of his spirit – all for love and mother and country. I have met several such men. They are in great abundance.

No sooner had the magistrate sat down Joshi impatiently waved me forward and pointed to the witness stand. I stood with arms crossed, impatient to solemnly swear as to my good word while they confabulated silently. I felt a poke at my side. An annoyed looking cop was glaring at me. Haath neechey. I let them dangle at my sides and looked around feeling suitably ridiculous.

Someone coughed, someone else scratched his head and yet another yawned. It was all just… so very dull. What if I were to cross my arms again, let my mobile phone ring or pick my nose?  Surely I
would be overpowered, cuffed and led off in shame, damningly guilty as it were of…poor posture? The magistrate barked at me for my name. And then glowered at me. I stepped down from the witness stand.

Prepare for the hearing, Joshi said to me before leaving, it will help your case. A policeman, nodding off in his chair, seemed at risk of falling through its frame; the plastic weave was on the verge of saying – screw this, I’m done. I held my breath. Best of luck, I heard Joshi say as he pumped my hand.

WTF. I was meant to quote Dante or Bakunin, grandly denounce my enemy, the usurper, and point nor’ nor’ westerly, draw diagrams, flail my arms, pause dramatically, my voice would then quiver and…what if I were to unearth a plot so sinister, what indeed if I were to appeal to natural justice and free will? Milord. Sorry, Milaard.

Bloody rubbish my day in court, I thought to myself on the way back. Lemon iced tea at Candies should do the trick.

– Gautam Pemmaraju

Masti Maharaja

“We’re all natural,” say Rishi and Pratik, owners of the latest food van on Carter Road. Masti Maharaja’s little yellow van sells only natural kulfi and rabdi’s and comes complete with a cute little bell. Even though they have been in Bandra for little over a month, they already seem to have a loyal following with walkers who want to cancel out the purpose of their stroll on Carter Road. Rishi is quick to point out that the only ingredients that go into their products are milk (Mother Dairy), nuts, sugar and dry fruits. The price is just right too at Rs.12 for a plain malai kulfi and Rs.22 for dry fruit one. Their Rabdi’s are priced at Rs. 30-65. However, if you thought you’d stop by for a quick Rabdi because you want to eat it on the go, you might have to wait 10 minutes before it can soften up. Sigh. But worth the wait. Where: Just after Otters Club

– Glynda Alves

Bappi and euphoria

Bappi Lahiri and Euphoria are all set to entertain an enthralled crowd at the Times Durgotsav scheduled to be held on the 25th of September at the Bandra Fort at 6:30pm. It will be a unique opportunity to join seasoned musicians and acclaimed artists in their reverberating chants to goddess Durga, followed by a night of festivities.

India’s Disco King has promised a line-up of his all time favourites and hit songs through the 70s, 80s and 90s as well as a song from an upcoming movie ‘Main Aur Mrs Khanna’ wherein Bappida has played a role. This is a rare occasion for Mumbaikars to experience Bappi Lahiri singing agomoni songs all while being backed by the upbeat Hindi rock band Euphoria.

Where: Bandra Fort, passes can be picked up from the TOI office or at the venue

– Sheldon D’souza

Notunpalli Sarbojonin Durgotsab

The Notunpalli Sarbojonin Durgotsab has entered its 36th year of celebrations and this year’s idol of Durga is huge, clad in a cream saree and adorned with a dazzling crown as she displays her multiple avatars.

The ground is split into three main sections with the scrumptious Bengali food served to the left of the entrance, the Durga idol is placed in the second section beyond the eating area. The third section (opposite the idol) is dedicated to the cultural events with a stage and seating arrangements.

The food stalls are sure to tantilize you’re taste buds with a spread that offers veg & non-veg samplings the go well with the traditional flat breads or you could go in for a generous serving of biryani that’s sure to hit the spot for those carbohydrate cravers. It’s almost a sin to neglect dessert when you have a spread of Bengali sweets for the picking and in case you haven’t tried these delicacies go in for a ‘Misthi Doi’ the most delightful yogurt preparation ever.

The Durgotsab will be held until 28th Spetember’s Maha Dashami celebrations with a different cultural programme chalked out for each day:

Friday 25th – Bengali Drama-Dampati by Manoj Mitra and Amit Dutta

Saturday 26th (Maha Asrami) – Modern Bengali songs by Raghab Chatterjee and Manjira Ganguly.

Sunday 27th (Maha Navami) – Tribute to Shakti Samanta Hindi Musical, Mukta Mela

Monday 28th (Maha Dashami) – Musical night and lucky draw

The novelty shop near the gate has a great collection of ethnic porcelain and earthen showpieces for sale.

Where: BMC Ground off Linking Rd

Fantastic puppets

This is definitely a show you should take the kids for. Fantasia Fantastique is a Mega Puppet Play with around hundred puppets. The play, written and directed by Bharat Dabholkar, has the characters designed and executed by ace Puppeteer & Puppet-Maker Ramdas Padhye. Mr Padye’s sons Satyajit, Parikshit and wife Aparna are the other lead puppeteers. And better still the puppets are being voiced by Bollywood superstars like Jackie Shroff, Juhi Chawla, Jaaved Jaffrey, Arshad Warsi, Shubha Khote, Sharbani Mukherji and theatre veterans like Kishore Pradhan. The visual treat is the 10 foot Evil Octopus, a 20 feet Anaconda, an 8 feet Dyno-Vulture, a talking monkey and hundreds of other fish and underwater characters.

When: 27th September at 7pm, Where: Rangsharda Auditorium, Contact: 26430544

– Glynda Alves

Cyrusitis comes to Bandra

You may love him, hate him or try your very best to avoid him but Cyrus Broacha will bounce right back into the limelight no matter what. He and real life pal Kunal Vijaykar are all set to get audiences cracking up with the play Cyrustisis, The One and a Half Man Show. The play is all originally written and based on his life’s first-hand experiences. Cyrus takes you through a minefield of topics you never thought it was alright to laugh at. He talks about celebrities and personalities he’s encountered, interviewed and met, from Bill Clinton to Sachin Tendulkar and more. As for the “One-and-a-half Man” part of the title, Broacha clarifies that it’s Vijaykar who is the “half man” since he refused to keep standing on stage for 90 minutes.

Where: St Andrew’s Auditorium, When: September 27 at 7 pm. Contact: 9870066649

Circus comes to town

Thinking of a circus brings great expectations of a fun filled experience that’s both refreshing and unique. The Rambo Circus at first glance is as good as it gets as you walk up to a hundred feet wide tent set-up on the exhibition grounds opposite Lilavati Hospital.

Tickets are available at Rs50, 100, 200, 300 and seating within the tent is allocated accordingly. The air-conditioning is welcoming and all seating options except for the Rs50 stalls have a good view of the centre-stage. Snack vendors make frequent rounds with the infamous popcorn, chips and cold-drinks on offer at nominal prices.

The two and a half hour show boasts of trapeze artists, rubber girl, jugglers, hoopers as well as a few one offs like spiderman spinning in a metal ring instead of the usual web and an African troop that put on quite a show right from the acrobatics to their antics.

The Rs300 patrons might regret their seating decision during the Elephant’s batting (cricket) routine as the animal whacks volleyball sized projectiles randomly around the tent. The only animal acts are the Elephants and a troop of performing dogs that can supposedly count numbers. The show ends with a short caged bike act and is quiet fulfilling although they could do better with high-wire walkers and a human cannonball!

Where: Exhibition Grounds, Opp. Lilavati Hospital

– Sheldon D’souza

The Times Bandra Festival

Bandra is in for a good dose of art, culture and fun this week onwards thanks to the Times Bandra Festival. We bring you a list of all that will be taking place at the MMRDA grounds

Music:

Daily from September 26 to October 3 from 8-10pm

Sep 26: Hariharan

Sep 27: KK

Sep 28: Pankaj Udhas

Sep 29: Bhupinder & Mitali Singh

Sep 30: Jasbir Jassi (Punjabi Pop)

Oct 1: Shibani Kashyap (Pop)

Oct 2: Wadali Brothers (Qawwali)

Oct 3: Shubha Mudgal (Fusion)

Art: Art and paintings will be on display as well as live demonstrations. Some of the artists exhibiting include Mahendra Singh Solanki, Douglas John, Rajendra Kurulkar, Abhay Pandit (pottery and sculpting), Khushbu Pandit, Amrutraj Koban and more

Dance: Ashely Lobo will conduct a dance workshop from 4.30-6.30 daily

Handicraft: About 25-30 artists from around the country will be displaying their work.

Kids: A workshop for children will be conducted on origami, finger puppets, paper lanterns and sculptures. This is from Monday- Thursday at 5-8pm an d Friday-Sunday at 4-8pm

Theatre:

2- 5.30 pm from Sep 26 to Oct 3 There will be play readings, discussions and performances where you can see some great talent.

On Sep 26- Oct 2 at 5-6.30pm; catch the children’s workshop filled with drama and fun

On Oct 3 at 5-6.30pm; there will be short film screenings

Daily at 7pm the plays include

Sep 26: Hum Kahein Aap Suney, starring Ananth Mahadevan and Nadira Zaheer Babbar (who also directs the play). Duration: 80minutes

Sep 27: Sakubai starring Sarita Joshi and directed by Nadira Zaheer Babbar. Duration: 90 minutes

Sep 28: Inthea directed by Cyrus Dastoor. This play stars Mirza Ghalib, Tom Alter and includes recitations in Urdu with English translations. Durations: 60 minutes

Sep 29: Bade Bhaisahab, a humorous short story by Munshi Premchand. Duration: 40 minutes

Sep 30: Footnotes of Life- Haashiye Zindagi Ke, this play stars Utkarsh Mazumdar, Vibha Chhibber and directed by Nadira Zaheer Babbar, Duration: 60 minutes

Oct 1: Jungle Dhoom.com- the play by children from Ekjute’s Workshop for Young Talent. A must watch. Duration: 80 minutes

Oct 2: Yumraj Ji Kuchh Kariye, this is a spiritual comedy directed by Nadira Zaheer Babbar. Duration: 80 minutes

Oct 3: Dayashankar Ki Diary which stars Ashish Vidyarthi and once again directed by Nadira Zaheer Babbar. Duration: 90 minutes

Kids: A workshop for children will be conducted on origami, finger puppets, paper lanterns and sculptures. This is from Monday- Thursday at 5-8pm an d Friday-Sunday at 4-8pm

You can collect free invites on a first-come-first-serve basis from the following Times Classified Centers from 10am to 6pm.

The Times of India Building, 1st Floor, Dr.D,N Rd, Matulya Mill Compound, S.B. Marg, Lower Parel(W)

Or

Trade Avenue, Ground floor, Suren Rd, Andheri(E)

The Big Bandra Fish Guide

Hitting a Century

Jose Matias Francisco Menezes is probably the only person who can actually say that they have seen the suburb change through the centuries. Born on the 4th of October 1909, Jose, or commonly known as Joe or Papa Joe, will turn 100 years old this month.

The accomplished musician started off his career at the tender age of 16 and in 1925 he set sail to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia.  He started his professional career by playing the violin, in the background, for silent movies!

Looking back, Joe attributes his healthy lift span of only 100 years to exercise, controlled healthy eating habits, disciplined life, and a systematic time table which did not upset his mental, physical, biological, social chemistry.  He believed in good grooming and till today, he religiously shaves himself unfailingly.

Joe, who moved to Bandra permanently decades ago with his wife and two children, says that although the suburb has changed for the worse he still wouldn’t want to live in any other place. He says, “Bandra is the Queen Of the Suburbs after all. However, it used to be much more peaceful. Today the traffic is unbearable and I find it extremely difficult walk to Patwardhan Park to meet my friends. That was a regular routine till about a month back.”

Joe, who firmly believes and hopes to break the Human Longitude Age Record, reveals what he has learnt about life and says, “Live a simple and disciplined life. Walk as much as you possibly can. Walking and my active involvement with music is the reason I am a healthy 100 year old!”

– Glynda Alves