The traffic’s getting worse, isn’t it? Who’s responsible? Could it be… you? We think it is if you’re one of these people, our list of people who’re blocking the streets.
1) Toned young folks: People, why pay good money to run inside Gold’s Gym, when you need your driver to pick you up directly opposite its gate? That’s a jam behind your car. And you’re blocking cars on their way to Candies, so that they can cause a jam there. We can never hope to be rid of the jams, but we can move the jam along. So move it.
2) Veggie-shoppers: Aunties, please walk down from Pali Hill to buy rocket and celery from Sunil bhajiwallah. There’s no need to disturb the driver. He parks on that little street and it’s soon all horns and blood pressure. And, no, the avocados aren’t ripe yet so you may as well not have come.
3) School-moms: Kids grow into adults. This process is helped through something called ‘experience’. It means living our own life after we’re 8. Let shorty walk back from home after school. Or take the bus. There’s no need to send the car.
4) Corporate man: Ok vice-president, so you did well. You got the nice two-bedroom (sea-facing from one bedroom, slum-facing from other). And you got that car. And then another. Bad. Even an MBA can’t drive two cars together. Should have bought a bike instead. Not Harley, Hero.
5) Hanger-out: That stretch between Cafe Coffee Day and Movie Empire needs to be unclogged like a drain because you kids seem to be stuck there. Don’t you have to do some homework or something? What’s the point of getting all those DVDs if you’re not going to watch them?
6) Sea Link wallah: You’re probably not reading this, because you’re from Andheri or somewhere. But you got off the bridge, and then instead of taking Linking Road you thought you would take the ‘short cut’ past Leelavati. Now you know what traffic during Bandra Fair week is like. We face this every day. NOW do you sympathise with us? No? What’s that? It’s even worse in Andheri, you say? Well fine. Just don’t come back.
7) Bandstand Boy: We know you just need to park and mix your drink, and that’s fine. But to reach there you go through Lilavati-Chapel Road-Mehboob Studio and that always-packed turn before Andrew’s. Why don’t you just tell your mom you drink? Hey, you can stay at home and swig while you watch Sach Ka Saamna.
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